It dawned on me today that Daylight Savings is this Sunday and the Cubs season starts a week from today, April 3rd, 2006. We “spring ahead” right before the season, and for 98 years now, it appears that the Cubs have always been ‘an hour behind.’ Below you will find many statements that support this theory. Please feel free to share your thoughts, even if they include anything about me being an idiot, that is fine.
Also, the term ‘we’ is used to describe all entities: owners, executives, players and fans.
Finally, please note, that these are not all BAD, just examples of being slow.
– We blame this all on a goat, nothing more needs to be said here
– First team to purchase lights, LAST team to actually use them (please note that I prefer day games)
– We blamed ’03 on a guy in the stands, IN THE STANDS, not the field, THE STANDS
– Mark Prior will be fine, err, wait, maybe, we think, well I don’t know, but maybe, we are hoping, oh, wait, sorry, DL.
– Kerry Wood will be fine, err, wait, maybe, we think, well I don’t know, but maybe, we are hoping, oh, wait, sorry, DL.
– We scalp our own tickets (say that out loud three times and see if you do not get mad)
– Our old third base coach had a worse shoulder injury than Prior and Wood combined (Wave ’em home Wendell!)
– We still have a manually operated scoreboard (I love this, just slow)
– Our ballpark does NOT have a parking lot
– Our ballpark has falling debris
– Wrigley ushers, need I say more
– No grilled onions until 2005
– Troughs, troughs and more troughs
– Yea, Steve Stone had no idea what he was talking about, good call on that one
– Glendon Rusch is starting Game 2
– Jerome Williams is starting Game 4
– The Cubs have a pitcher who got hurt from too much typing, seriously, pick up a phone dude
– 1989, October, Will Clark, need I say more
– “What’s a No-Hitter?”
– Speaking of that, “Who is Milt Pappas anyway?”
– Ground ball practice is such a waste of time, right Leon Durham?
– Speaking of, “right Alex Gonzalez?”
– Stay put Dusty, just trust Larry, please
– Speaking off….toothpicks, why, I don’t get it
– Thad Bosley, Mel Hall, Marvelle Wynn, Gary Varsho? I mean, what’s up?
– Simulated pitching with a towel, yea, that will solve everything
– I don’t know if they could hear the concert, but the lyrics were, “Hey, hey whatta say, the Cubs are gonna WIN today.” That is WIN, not lose, WIN!
– Speaking of being an hour behind, here are a few players we signed an hour too late, in no particular order:
– Todd Hundley
– Jeff Blauser
– Fred McGriff
– Danny Jackson
– George Bell
– Marquis Grissom (we will see)
– DeLino DeShields
– Brian McRae
– Ron Cey
– LaTroy Hawkins
– Ron Coomer
– Matt Stairs
– Goose Gossage
– Dave Smith
– Larry Bowa
– Nomar Garciaparra
– Rick Aguilera
– Bobby Bonds
– Eric Karros
– Todd Van Poppel
– Todd Zeile
– Dusty Baker (we will see)
Again, let me put this in perspective, I am a huge Cubs fan, but I need to be cynical every now and again. I believe as much as possible, I enjoy the kool-aid as much as possible, but every so often, I need some middle ground.
This column is not meant to be an attack on anyone, I was just trying to have some fun with the past, the history, the Cubs.
If you want, tell me I wrong, tell me I am dumb, just please don’t say I am not a fan. I am so excited for the upcoming season, but I just wanted to poke a little fun at the past. If we could not laugh, we would cry. For every Todd Hundley, there is a Ryne Sandberg, a Mark Grace or an Andre Dawson. All I hope is that Juan Pierre and Matt Murton join that prestigious group.
This Sunday, as we spring ahead, the past may be in our minds, but the future is in our dreams!
Stay Classy Cubs Fans