Come one, come all. Come on down with your money and old junk no one wants. In fact, bring some of that new junk no one cares about either. It is time for the event of the year. The Cubs fire sale starts today!
After close to four months of what can be best described as painfully worse-than-mediocre baseball, the Cubs are preparing for the future. The window of time has come … and gone. And again, it included ZERO World Championships for our beloved Cubs. So it is time to move on and start anew. Somehow the world just smells better today.
- Here you go, here you go, come and get it while it is 5 for it’s last 41! I have got a Xavier Nady. Who’s out there? Anaheim, how are you doing? You want some of this. Texas, no more Smoak? No problem. Xavier Nady is sitting right here.
- Anybody looking for a soft-hitting middle infielder with a lousy .318 OBP? Did I mention he has a career stolen base success rate of 74%? Seriously, Detroit? I know you are excited about this. Colorado? What’s up? Got any PTBNL’s out there for us?
- Okay, this goes out to everyone. We have an exciting and proven RF who hits for, well, a below-average average, below average power and drives in runs at a below-average rate. He is also making $13 million this year. Oh, and he doesn’t really play. Come ON! Someone has to eat that up. Anyone, anyone? Okay, fine. We will pay $12.5 million of this year and another $12 million next year … still NO ONE? Wow.
- Next up: Proven veteran. Quiet, classy clubhouse leader, unless he has to defend the rest of the team against a screaming, selfish, immature pitcher. He has always hit well and played a stellar first base. He is a gold-glove candidate every year. What was that? How has he hit this year? Does this year really matter? Look at the past few years.
- Speaking of someone specific, boy do we have someone for you. This 29-year-old pitcher has just completed anger management classes, and has only gotten into two public altercations with teammates in the dugout. He makes about $18 million a year and is guaranteed to disappoint you and your current fan-base. What do you say? Anyone have a top-ten prospect they are looking to unload?
- Okay, this next guy plays about once every 10 games, but wears really cool sunglasses when it is too bright outside. Every now and again he will sweep you off your feet with an extra-base hit, but beyond that, he is your run-of-the-mill middle infielder suited for a utility role. How about we say one of your top five pitching prospects, and we will call it a deal?
- Well, this last one is something special. He will go out there every five days and give you his heart and soul until you take him off the mound. He will be a great addition to your clubhouse and do whatever it takes to help his team win. And he is a lefty! So, for all those out there who are interested, this really is going to take a little something. You know why? Because you all NEED him. Who is going to make the best offer?
So, maybe now we can all recalibrate our expectations with the impending trade deadline and realize how difficult it will be to receive anyone of great promise through a trade.
As much as I love the Cubs and have great respect for their players, especially Lilly and Lee, this has been a tough year. None of the negatives, barring Z, are personal. These players and this team have not produced on the field.
And when it comes to trades, on-field production is kind of important. Sure, Hendry is responsible for the situation he is in, but it is still neither an envious nor an easy one at that. Maybe he will be able to pull off something to show many of us what Ricketts already sees … a reason for him to be around another year.
I hope that happens. But don’t count on it …
Or the Cubs can just win 18 out of 21.
Until next time …
Stay Classy Cubs Fans!!